Hello loyal readers, all two of you! I am so thankful for you both and your continued support of my blog, and my books. Thank you for taking the time to read, and comment, and share. I really thank you if you bought something, because let's face it, I am a creative person so I am poor and every sale of my book means that I can eat, and so can my dogs. Well, at least my dogs can eat! So for this holiday season, I am going to write about something we all dread, drama during the holidays.
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Many of us have grew up with the Norman Rockwell and Coke images of what a happy family should be during the holidays. You see parents, grandparents, children, cousins, and friends gathered around a big feast with smiles plastered on their faces.They have a big Christmas tree full of decorations, lights and lots of presents under the tree for all. Television and advertisements also ushered in this ideal of unobtainable happiness and joy during the holiday season by seeing everyone get along even when there were big differences happening in the background. It has truly set up people for failure and heartache because life just doesn't work that way. Those moments were structured and fictional. While they are a nice image to have, and a few people are lucky enough to have some of those moments overall, it just isn't going to happen. This can lead to depression and feelings of failure and wondering why your family isn't "normal."
People are dreading the holiday season now more than ever before. I have seen such an increase lately on social media addressing how horrible it is to spend a holiday with the family. People make comments about that one, or several family members that are sexist, racist, homophobic, and all around judgmental. They make observations on your life style and sit in a place of judgment as if the one time they see you a year is enough to make a blanket statement about how your life your life, good or bad. I know people are blaming this on the election this year, but I beg to differ. I think people are too hung up on an out dated notion of the family unit, and they are trying to live up to impossible standards and really suffer when they can't. It's time for us to take the holidays back and make them simple instead of trying to live up to an ideal that is exhausting and damaging.
Remember that there is no such thing as normal. People are widely different and they bring those differences with them. They don't check them at the door when they come inside the home. I think this is why so many dread spending the holidays with their family, because they feel like they must put on an act. They want to keep the peace and not upset certain family members because of a choice in career, relationship, or political views. Or, the exact opposite happens and all of that stuff they are trying to hold is spills over into a big fight. Either way, it is an uncomfortable situation and people leave with feeling hurt,and are let down instead of being able to just enjoy one another's company.
So, how do you enjoy the holiday season with people you are concerned about? One thing you can do is forget that the holidays are "supposed" to be peaceful and perfect. Any time you get more than one person in a room at a time, conflict can arise. This isn't something to blame yourself or them about because it is just human nature. If you are going for that perfect holiday facade, then maybe set up some ground rules. Try to keep certain hot button topics out of the conversation and all agree to just enjoy each other's company while you are together. This can be difficult but if you all work together, it can be achieved. If you are worried about limiting your conversations, play a game, help with the dishes or the cooking. Better yet, make yourselves tired and give back in your community by helping serve food to the homeless. If you don't have shelters in your area, spend time making sack lunches and handing them out to those in need. Do you have family members that knit or sew? Make scarves, or hats to donate to the cancer centers, hospitals, or shelters.Go visit a nursing home and visit residents. When you are so tired after spending your day doing good deeds, you won't have the energy to fight. Make this a new tradition instead of going home and crying into a bottle of wine.
If you don't feel like giving back to your community or you can't, try a different approach. Make your own traditions that keep everyone busy. Why not do a scavenger hunt that is good for all ages? Do a silly photo shoot that involves everyone. Have a cooking contest for the best side dish that you vote on when you are celebrating the holiday. If it is a nice day outside, go for a walk or do something outside. Help the kids write their Christmas letter to Santa, or thank you notes for the gifts they were given. If you do them all hand made, then it becomes a craft activity and that can last for awhile. So can the cleanup! Play Bingo, have a dance contest, look for holiday deals together. The more planned activities that you have, the less likely the drama will happen. It still can, but it will be less likely. In fact, the more traditions that you create that keep people busy, the less you will focus on the things that don't matter like the huge meal, and presents. Learn to replace those with things that really matter!
If those ideas still don't work then just remember to appreciate what you have, and this won't last forever. The perfect holiday with the family isn't real, but your attitude is. You can go into the day already sullen and angry, or go into it knowing that these few hours aren't really going to make a difference in your life. You have people who are going to try to tell you how you should live and lead your life, but remember, they don't walk in your shoes. You don't walk in their shoes either. You may be related, but neither one of you are going down the same exact path. That is okay. You can choose to learn from one another, or fight. If it gets to the point where people are getting hurt, then walk way right after you agree to disagree. You live your life every single day, as they live their life every day. A few hours spent with people that don't agree with each other really won't make a differences in the long run unless you allow it to.
Holiday season is so stressful because people are constantly trying to live up to something. We are made to feel that we aren't good enough. If we don't spend money that we don't have to buy presents that are only going to be temporary, we aren't good enough. If we can't spend a holiday with family without getting into a fight, then there is something wrong with us. If we don't feel like celebrating when things are going bad in our lives, and it's too hard to pretend, then there is something wrong with us. The holiday season is unrealistic because people feel they must obtain this ideal of what a holiday should be like.
If we got over the fact that a holiday doesn't magically make the rest of life disappear, then maybe we could get through them. Instead of scrambling to spend lots of money on lots of food, and spend hours cooking a meal, make the day simple. Instead of going into debt to buy presents, teach people to be thankful for what they have, show them how to give to others, and if you want to buy gifts, don't break the bank. Your bills aren't going to go away, and presents don't show a person how much they are loved, your everyday actions do. It's time to truly make the holidays your own by not having expectations that are too high. Enjoy the company that you have around you. Give each other memories,not overly expensive presents.Give to others because no matter how bad you have, someone has it worse. Are you having a bad day? That's okay, you are human and just because it is a holiday isn't going to magically cure that. You have no one to live up to but yourself so why not make the holiday season your own by breaking the mold!
