Hello, my name is Lisa, and I am a very kind, sweet, fun person, who has two degrees in creative writing and literature. I have traveled all around the United States, and the world. I have been a highly successful sales person. I enjoy writing, scrap booking, my two dogs, TV, movies, music, trivia games, doing my family tree, and being with my friends and family. I am very lucky to have wonderful parents who have been together almost 40 years. I have a great older brother, and new sister-in-law. I am also blessed to have 6 people I consider to be my best friends.
Oh, and at 31, I am single and have no children.
"You don't have kids!!!!"
"I'm sorry that you are single!!!!!"
"I'm sorry that you are alone at your age!!!"
"How sad!!"
"Why are you alone?"
"Why don't you have kids?"
"Oh....."
"Are you ever going to have kids, because you are running out of time."
"You know there are some great Internet dating sites. You don't have to be alone."
"There are many different ways for you to become a mom if you want, but you better hurry."
"What's wrong with you?"
These are real reactions that I have gotten from other women when they find out I am single, and childless. I wish I was kidding!
It is a sicking thing to feel bad, ashamed, or even guilty about the fact that I am "alone." It's also very sad that I feel the need to defend myself. Other women have treated me as though I am less of a person because I am childless and single. It comes from women of all ages, and all walks of life. I am not alone. My friends who are childless and single, or have kids and are single have all commented on how they are treated different because "they don't have it all."
The need to have a family and a mate is so ingrained in us, it is hard to tell if it's just instincts, want, or need that drives people to act that way that they do. If someone is not following that path, then they are labeled as strange, or even labeled as a sad person. What is the truth? Is it a bad thing to be my age and single with no children, or is it fine? Why, then, do some many people judge the person without kids to such a harsh degree. If someone said, "I can't believe that you have kids!!" Or, "I can't believe that you are in a relationship," in the same manner, I'm sure it would be nipped in the butt right away.
At the most basic, females are programmed to have children, because we are the only ones that can. It is something that is not only amazing, but beautiful, and wondrous. It keeps the population going. It keeps our family's blood ties strong, and creates a new, special soul that will change the world one day. Being able to have a child is something that ever woman (regardless of how they feel about having kids themselves, or even if they can) should respect.
Then TV came along and the new normal was a perfect family like the Nelsons, the Brady's, and the Cleaver's. They were the perfect family with Mom in the kitchen, Dad working, and plenty of little ones running around. Their lives were perfect, and were tied in a neat bow at the end of the day. Dad would be coming home from a hard day's work, Mom waiting with a drink in hand, the supper table full of delicious food that took hours to make, in a perfectly spotless kitchen. Children are in their places, with faces scrubbed, clean hands, and waiting for the prayers before dinner. There would be family time, then bed. No muss, no fuss, no reality.
When talking to my grandmothes 'about their lives, they both held jobs. They did their best to balance their lives but it was never pretty, or spotless. Life was hard, and being a housewife was something rich women did while the rest of the world still worked. My Mom worked, and was single and childless into her mid 30's. Somewhere between the basic biological drive, the constant perfect family life being shoved down our throats by all forms of media, and the Internet people became convinced that life is perfect only if you are in love, and have little ones.
I never said that I don't want children. I don't know if I do or not. But I am not a bad person for thinking about it. I am not running out of time because I feel if I am supposed to have a child, it will happen. I am alone, but not by choice. I just can't find a good guy, and don't really want to risk Internet dating. But, I am not a bad person, or have less of a fulfilled life because I am single and childless. I have actually lost "friends" who only want to hang out with other parents, or other couples. I am no longer good enough. It seems as though being single without a child is, for some, like the plague, and they are afraid they are going to catch it.
At the end of the day, whatever is going to happen is going to happen. I can't stop it. We need to adjust our thinking in society. People are who they are no matter if there are children or a mate involved. If you can't stand on your own, then that is the time to be concerned. Remember that before you had kids and a mate, you were a single person too. Maybe your life is better now, and if it is then great. But don't think that is the case for everyone. Don't feel sorry for people who don't share in the same type of happiness that you do, because what you enjoy may be a nightmare for someone else. And please, for fuck sake, if you don't have something nice to say keep your thoughts to yourself. People who are single, and don't have children are not monsters. They are not sad and depressed. They don't want your pity. They are just like you, human.
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