Caregiving: what it's like for me

Hello all,

I have been asked to write about being a caregiver. I know it's not my normal type of blog but it was requested of me. I must admit that I'm a little nervous about it because I am still very actively taking care of two people. I will do my best to honor their privacy so I am not going to go into any real details.  Just remember that taking care of the people I am working with is my number one goal. I do the best that I can to make sure they get the care that they need. I am not an expert at all on the subject, but it is my life and something that I have done for most of it. I have been an active caregiver to my parents, grandparents and some of my friends since I was a small child. It is something that is second nature to me, but I am human and like everyone else I get burned out.

First of all, I am not a nurse or a doctor. I have a lot of respect for those wonder and amazing people who have decided to make it their life's work. I do have medical training. I know First Aide, CPR, general things about medication, how to give shots, and some very specific things that go along with the conditions of the people I take care of. I do my research. I spend a lot of time in doctor's offices and any free moment I get, I will be asking questions, making notes, and trying to understand what I need to look for if anything goes wrong. I never sit on the sidelines, I do what I can to learn as much as I can in order to give the best care.

Being a caregiver is beyond a full time job, it is a life. I admire others who are in the same position that I am. I know some people give more time than I do, and others who only have to be a caregiver on a part time basis. Either way, it is not a traditional job but it takes so much out of you. No two days are similar and what may have worked for you a week ago won't work today. You must be adaptable and you must have patience. A caregiver can be up all night with their patient, or trying to catch up on things with their own lives only to have to get up again at the crack of dawn for a full day of appointments.

I know it's the number one rule when you are in this type of field that you need to take care of yourself first. I'm here to tell you while that is a great idea, it's damn near impossible at times. There are days where this is no issue at all but others, your life will need to be put on hold. It's different for every single person but I know from the small group of people who are in the same boat as I am that caring of yourself is something that is pushed aside a lot. It's a daily battle and sometimes you get to have a good day, and other days or even weeks go by before you realize that you haven't done a single thing for yourself beyond basic measures.

I have also found that being a caregiver is something of a stigma. Even thought it is a very hard job many people will point out that "it's not a real job." I admire those people for their blissful ignorance. There isn't much assistance out there for a person who is a caregiver and with society being ultra harsh on those looking for help it becomes a vicious cycle. There isn't much room to do anything else when you are a caregiver including working an outside job. If you look for help then you are automatically deemed as weak or a drain on society. I see it all the time on social networks how people are so angry that their hardworking dollars are going to the slums on food stamps and welfare. Well, I am an extremely hardworking person with days that can last 20 hours or longer. I am working all of the time but I qualify for very little help. I work odd jobs during my "off hours" to survive.  The point I'm trying to make here is people are very quick to judge because they think a caregiver is someone who gets to sit around and does nothing all day. This couldn't be further from the truth. It is a job that becomes a life of it's own and society thumbs their noses at people who don't go to an office and put in an 8 hour day. The government doesn't understand caregiving and with the society aging they aren't prepared for the amount of help that is going to be needed. They aren't prepared now.

It is hard taking care of someone when they are sick and in pain.  All you want to do is ease their suffering. It isn't unusual for you to get stressed to the point where you get a bit snappy at the person you are taking care of. Lack of sleep and highly stressful situations play a big part of this. So does hope. It is easy to fall into a habit of getting hopeful any time you see your client having a good day, but a moment later it ends. You always want that person to be well and be in a place where they can have more good days than bad. The bad days take their tolls. The good days that turn bad are worse. It's like you take 10 steps forward and then something happens and you are pushed back 20. It's a process and it takes a very strong person to get through it. You have to make sure you are doing your best to help your client feel good on their good days, and okay on their bad days, and learn when you need to let them be. It is an ongoing process. Since no two days are the same, no two emotions are the same either and what was a clue to you before may mean something completely different the next time.

The person asking me to write this asked if I have had people die on me. The answer to that is yes, I have. As a caregiver you may be left in the dark. What I mean by this is other people are going to be very upset and completely forget that you were the one taking care of everything. You will get those really fun people who say they were the ones who dropped everything to help out him or her when you know they haven't been through the door for at least a year. Or, they will forget that you are human and you are feeling a loss yourself. I have no real advice on how to deal with this. My Dad's motto was to pick your head up and keep going. I think that has gotten me through a lot in my life, especially being a caregiver to so many different people with vastly different needs.

So, that's what it is like for me. I don't know how it is for other people. I know that there may be people ready to tell me how I should or shouldn't do something. Thank you for your concern. I just know that caregivers are a bunch of very underrated people who get the short end of the stick. They must be strong when others are weak, must know when to react, and how to take care of anything that comes up during the day. It's something that takes up a lot of time, effort, and money. Everyone will have a point in their life where they will need this level of help. I hope when the times comes for me that I will be able to be kind and understanding because I've been in those well worn shoes. I don't have the answers for other people, but I'd love to open up a dialog for those who are interested in sharing there experiences. If not, then I hope if you read this blog maybe you felt less alone and know that someone else out there knows what you are going through.